Can I rebuild my life

at 25?




Father, thank You for giving me a second chance... I'll do my best...

be a good person... little by little... step by step... become strong again... and a better person than before.

Stand By Me (1986)

"Do you think I'm weird?"

"Definitely."

"No man, seriously. Am I weird?"

"Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird."

I just watched Stand By Me. All the actors were amazing. They were only around twelve to fifteen then... River Phoenix (Chris) was fifteen and Wil Wheaton (Gordie) was twelve. The other two boys Corey Feldman (Teddy) and Jerry O'Connell (Vern) were really good too.

I've watched quite a few Stephen King movies... he always have this character, the writer, or the to-be writer, who's unsure of himself... about writing. When the grocery store man asked Gordie what does he do, "Do you play football? What do you do then?" he replied "...I don't know." I thought about it afterwards... during the railway bridge scene... I thought maybe it's a little like what I feel about architecture.

And also, this guy, the leader of that Scorpion gang, he was driving on the wrong side of the road, racing the other car, when a truck comes from the far end. He just keeps on going... the rest of the guys laughed at first, thinking he'll dodge soon enough, but he kept on going, and everyone started panicking and yelling for him to swerve, and the truck kept on sounding the horn, but he kept going... at the last minute the truck swerved out to avoid a collision, spilling logs all over the road... and the guy, he just drove on. He had a look on his face, which may seem like smugness, you know, from having not chickened out... but I felt, that maybe he was just flipping the coin. Not 'just', but flipping. I felt, maybe, he wasn't sure the truck would swerve out, but he just wagered... I mean, he's a real douche bag, this guy, but just these few seconds, that look on his face...

And earlier in the movie the boy Teddy stood still on the railway tracks while the others scrambled off when a train was approaching. The others shouted at him to get off but he just stood... he said he'll dodge it... but the train just kept coming closer and closer... and it's sounding the horn and all... but he still does not move. Just kept standing... with that look in his eyes...

Chris dragged him off in the end. But anyway, it was like... both Teddy and that Scorpion guy...

Would Teddy have dodged, really?

"I just wish... that I could go some place... where nobody knows me. ...I guess I'm just a pussy, huh?"

River's character Chris just shows such intelligence for a kid of his age... the tragic hero kind, the really-smart-but-in-beat-circumstances kind... the kind you (I, at any rate) really feel for. You wish he will, somehow, manage to get out of the circumstances and succeed because he deserves it, he deserves it. To be good, to be free.

"I'm never gonna get out of this town am I, Gordie?"

"You can do anything you want, man."

He was the big brother, the strong one, and wise. He has his troubles, and not mean ones either, but he doesn't let it show... most of the time. He just really looks out for Gordie... He recognized Gordie's talent in writing and tried to encourage him... and that scene where he was so pissed, so fucking pissed with Gordie's parents because he neglected and completely failed to see Gordie's ability and failed to encourage him...

"You're just a kid, Gordie..."

"Oh, gee, thanks, Dad!"

"I wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn't be going around talking about taking these stupid shop courses if I was. It's like God gave you something man, all those stories you can make up. And He said, "this is what we got for ya kid, try not to lose it." Kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look out for them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe I should!"

I wanted Chris to have a good ending... but in movies you know that guys like this...

"Chris did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me, and although it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to college and eventually became a lawyer."

This was good enough for me. He also went on to fulfill his tragic hero destiny in the next few lines, but that's that...

I watched this movie because of River Phoenix. After seeing My Own Private Idaho. Well, yea, it's just two movies... But I really like him. From his name to the way he looks. I mean, not the way he looks, but the way he looks, you know?

But anyway, this movie just gave me a lot to think about.

Garden

Piet Oudolf

Photograph by Andrew Lawson

Photograph by Juergen Becker

Photograph by Marianne Majerus






Peter Zumthor


Interview: Serpentine Gallery Pavilion 2011 by Peter Zumthor from Dezeen on Vimeo.

目の前には困難しか見えないだろ。でっかい壁が四方に立ちはだかって何処にも進めないように思えたりする。だけど絶対に忘れないで欲しいんだ。壁の向こうには君だけの特別な景色が、胸打つ未来が必ず待ってる。俺は、この壁を越えて必ず君に会いに行くよ。必ず。

＠ヒュウガ／小川輝晃




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